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Presented by Janefinch and galfrom_mich, for your edification and amusement…in its entirety:
Originally Published in Politics and Culture (the forerunner to
Post41) Wine Chat with Alice and Trixie
Alice: Well,
Trixie, are we ready to introduce ourselves?
Trixie: I do
believe we are, Alice!
Alice: All
righty then....I'm Alice, a moderate Canadian with a great love of all
things wine and accoutrements (aka "snacks")
Trixie: And I am
Trixie, a staunch Republican with the same loves.
Alice: Trixie
and I are wildly successful in our real lives, but our internet claim
to fame has been our great knowledge of and ability to consume
quantities of chatwine in an unnamed Yahoo chatroom.
Trixie: And
don't forget our willingness to tell everyone everything we know.
Alice: And
between us, we do know everything, don't we?
Trixie: Why yes
we do! Although we are still learning about wine. What are you
sampling tonight?
Alice: I have
this great bottle of wine I brought back from California...Solitude
Pinot Noir, 1997.
You?
Trixie: I joined
a wine club over the internet that specializes in wines from the
Northwest; I have opened a wonderful bottle of Canoe Ridge Merlot,
1997. Tell me about yours, first.
Alice: Well, as
you know, I like to rely on my wine bible, Hugh Johnson's Pocket
Encyclopedia of Wine.
It's
under 10 bucks USD ($389.47 CDN) at
http:/www.amazon.com
.
It gives great two line
reviews of wine and other tidbits such as what wine to drink with what
food
Trixie: Yes,
we've gotten some good info from it. What did it tell you about your
wine?
Alice: Well, my
wine wasn't in there.
Trixie: Hmm,
neither was mine.
Alice: Well, in
a handy pocket sized item like this, I think some of the wineries by
necessity are left out.
So
much for Hugh Johnson, but he did tell me what to eat with it....wild
game pie.
Alice: I've
substituted cheezies.
Alice: Now,
according to Hugh, you should be accompanying that wine with meaty
dishes.
Trixie: Since I
have none, I have substituted the chocolate bunny I meant to send you
for Easter.
Alice: You're
eating MY bunny????
Trixie:
Well...........yes. You'd be amazed how well it complements
this wine!
Alice:
Oops, this is a
public chat....oh, that's all right, Trixie. I'm glad I could share
with you. (Balls up fists of death…)
Trixie: Well, I
found some great sites on the internet to check out wines. Check out
http://www.tastings.com
Alice: Well,
since Hugh isn't much help, I think we should go to the site you just
mentioned and others and find out about these wines we're drinking.
And see if these
reviewers know as much as we do.
Trixie: It's
hard to believe they could.
Alice: Well, if
they agree with us, we bookmark. If not, pfffft....what do they know?
Alice: By the
way, you're using a real wine glass and not a tumbler, right?
Trixie: Oh, was
that the rule? Excuse me a second..........
Alice: Well,
not for our regular chatwine sessions, but this is special.
Alice: Trixie
tries to keep Tupperware in business singlehandedly.
Trixie: Next
week I'll tell you about my orange peeler. But right now, the
tastings website tells me my wine scores a 90, which is incredible for
a $20 bottle of wine.
Alice: You got
an orange peeler? And you didn't get me one?
Alice: Twenty
bucks! That's a deal.
Trixie:
www.tastings.com
Alice: I think
the audience should know that neither of us cook...but we do know how
food should be prepared.
Alice:
okay....and that site gives reviews of wines?
Trixie: Yes it
does! There is also educational info, winery reviews, and links to
buy wine over the internet.
Alice: Well, I
found my wine at
http://www.winepros.org
It gives my wine a "highly recommended" rating and says it's more
enjoyable with food. My kind of wine.
Alice: Now it
says it's 20 bucks, but I bought this bottle at Dean & Delucca and the
price tag says 25.95. I think I was paying for Napa Valley Cuteness.
Trixie: Isn't
that the truth? I am tempted to try one of these links to internet
wine shoppes; the prices seem reasonable if you're careful, even
adding in the shipping. And there's lots thats not available in my
local wine store.
Alice: What a
great idea....if I didn't live in a communist country where wine is
government controlled, I'd buy from them
Alice: Oops,
did I say that? How can we tell it's close to April 30, tax cutoff?
Trixie: Yet
another disadvantage to communism.
Alice: The
biggest one, I find
Alice: Now,
what did your reviewer say about your wine?
Trixie: Dark
red-violet hue. Juicy and ripe black cherry aromas with toasty
accents. Concentrated pure black cherry flavors up front, with a
moderately full body and an elegantly fine-grained tannic finish.
Drink now with meaty dishes or keep a few years.
Trixie: I can't
see the hue through my plastic glass, but I agree with their
assessment of the taste. Elegant is a great word to describe it.
Alice: Hmmmm.....there
are those meaty dishes again. I think you should send MY bunny to ME
and microwave some chicken wings.
Alice: Did you
swish it around in your mouth? How's the body?
Alice: Not to
mention the tannic finish?
Trixie: Usually
when I swish I dribble. I find it's not as heavy as some
Merlots, and not as much tannic acid. That means less of a hangover,
right?
Trixie: What
does your site say about your wine?
Alice: That's
what the
www.tastings.com
bib is for. Yes, it does...it's the tannins in red wine that give
some people headaches and problems the next day.
Alice: Medium
ruby; sweet ripe cherry, dark chocolate and faintly minty aromas with
some bramble, earth and a slight funk; tart cherry and gamey flavors
with a hint of tar; medium-to-full body, mouth-filling and slightly
rich; long, tannic finish. More enjoyable with food.
Trixie: You have
funky wine?
Alice: I have
gamey wine....eeewwww.
Not
to mention "a hint of tar"....what's with this reviewer?
Trixie: I'm not
sure I'd enjoy that mint in my wine, either.
Alice: It does
have a long tannic finish however....I'd describe it as a HUGE
pinot....flavorful, heavy. Well, I suspect this reviewer has a degree
in art appreciation...just write whatever and people will buy it? Not
me.
It's, quite simply, fabby
pinot noir....rich, full, long tannin finish.
Trixie: I
agree. It seems some reviewers are out to intimidate those that know
almost as much as them! Although I do tend to look at scores. Where
do those come from, anyway?
Alice: I have
no idea....I think we're going to have to spend a column at the Wine
Spectator site to find out about scores.
I'm
sure that WS will have all the skinny on scores and other things that
are a cut above chatwine reviewing.
Trixie: Well,
I've heard that any score above an 80 is worth looking at.
Alice: I can't
wait to find out why.
I
wonder what my homemade Y2K Survival Merlot weighs in at?
Trixie: I gave
it a 92.
Alice: I'm
almost speechless.
Alice: Not to
mention humble.
Alice: Only a
92?
Trixie: I've
always said that about you. Well, the label was too cute.
Alice: Hangs
head...you are right
Alice: The
label on the Solitude is very tasteful....beige, nice font, tree
Trixie: Canoe
Ridge has a nice label too, guess what is pictured on it?
Alice: Well,
remember I once lived in a place called Rose Valley with neither roses
nor a valley, so hesitate to guess.
Trixie: Well,
the front label DOES have a canoe.......and the back has a map to the
vineyard in Walla Walla.
Alice: A map?
I wonder why.
Trixie: Well,
after one glass of this stuff........I couldn't find my way back.
Alice: Oh and
that brings up something...what is the alcohol content?
Trixie: It's
13.5%. Is that good?
Alice:
Well that's
about average...mine is 14.7%.
Trixie: Gee,
that explains so much.........
Alice: The
reason I thought of that is because I read an article in which the
owners of Windsor were saying that last year's wine was coming in at
16%....very high. They tried to lower the alcohol content but it
affected the quality of the wine, so have left it as is.
Trixie: What is
Windsor? Besides a city with no street signs?
Alice: Windsor
is a winery in Napa Valley that produces superb...and I mean
SUPERB....cabernet sauvignons.
Well, the city
of Windsor has 4239487 Tim Horton's. That's how we determine
directions in Canada.
Trixie: Yes, I
remember trying to find the airport to pick you up. When the
Canadian map proved worthless, I stopped at a gas station: turn left
at the Tim Horton's, then go down and turn right at the Tim Horton's.
Only problem was that there is one on every other corner!
Alice: Well,
you have to understand the subtle differences between various Tim
Horton's donut shops.
And
being American, they're lost on you...you people are just too
dependent on things like street signs
Trixie: And
those would be?
Alice: Well I'm
not sure I can explain after two glasses of Solitude.
Tim's
just IS.
Trixie: Maybe
being communist gives you a better sense of direction? Although, I'm
not sure I would have reached the airport after so many left
turns.........
Alice: Well, we
have less capitalist pigdog distractions in between Tim Horton outlets
Alice: Now,
what would you serve your wine with?
Trixie: I'm not
sure which meaty dish I would pour this with. What do you think about
Stouffer's Lasagne?
Alice:
Stouffers....why......yes, how delicious.
I
was thinking of a hearty beef dish for mine...something prepared by A
La Carte catering 3 blocks from me.
Trixie: You live
in such a cosmopolitan town! The only thing we can get delivered here
is pizza. Which, come to think of it, if I ordered it with
pepperoni..........
Alice: That's a
meaty dish!
Alice: Trixie,
I think we've drank enough to go to chat and impart our wisdom.
Trixie: I
agree! Let's bless the minions........
Alice: Yes!
They love it when we've been imbibing and our tongues are loosened.
Alice:
So....next column, it's the Wine Spectator and another two bottles of
fine wines.
Trixie: Ok! Now
promise you'll tell them I'm not really a nazi lush.
Alice: Only if
you promise not to tell them I'm a conservative.
Trixie: Oh how I
wish I could......
Alice: Well,
you can't. The omerta of "Alice and Trixie's Living" forbids it
Alice:
Translated: you tell and I tell.
Trixie: Oh.
Never mind. Let's go aggravate some nice people.
Alice: Good
night, Trixie.
Trixie: Good
night, Alice.
Alice: And
happy tasting to you out there!!
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